Thinspo

I've never really been a fan of thinspiration... but today I have been engrossed in it :S

It makes me want it more and more...

So my weights been up and down over the last few days.. had somehow gained 2lbs after my half marathon.... but today i've somehow lost 2lbs... umm... yeah.

128.8 today.

Praying that it will be less tomorrow :( doubt it though. I think I need to post on here every day, will make me embarrassed and make me lose weight!

Today I had...

A small salad
A cheesestring
Half a bagel with extra light Philadelphia
Half a baked potato and tuna (no mayo)

eugh. I know that's a lot... but i've been absolutely starving since this half marathon! I have managed to turn down a bar of chocolate this evening.

And I did go for a run...

Please be less tomorrow!! :(

I'm running again tomorrow :)

But fucks sake friends wan a go out for dinner! I don't even know what food the place does so i can't plan! :( arghhhh!!! oh well i'll just drown my sorrows in alcohol! :(

Hard run tomorrow and hard run friday!!!!!

I am useless!

I can never think of a title

I feel Blah! got a run on sunday and I have a congested nose! ekfefjkfhefjnakjbd GO AWAY!

I swear to god i must just take tablets every day for different things! dfkjndskfjn

today has just been pants... I hardly did any uni work! Which means I have to do it ALL tomorrow! he'll post next weeks work on Friday and I want to get that done then!need a kick up the arse

Eaten too much shite! I had a plain omelette at lunch and thats about the only okay thing i;be eaten all day! 

Somehow forgot to weigh myself this morning! probably because i couldn't breathe... Need to weigh myself tomorrow

On a positive note i ran today, ran really fast too :) coulda gone faster but heyyy. 

Wish it was christmas already. i'd be lighter

:(

:(

I wish I updated regularly, I get scared of writing stuff on here though, incase someone figures out who I am (obviously not now, I have like 3 followers :L) but in the future, that would be scary to say the least!

Anyway I have now decided... well basically... I need to get down to 8stone by Christmas!

I'm 128lbs at the moment... (SHIT)

so I have 16lbs to lose

My diary says 9 lbs... just incase anyone finds it... i'm only going to 8 and a half ;)

Its 11 weeks away. This week I can't fast or have any major reductions simply because I have to run 13.1 miles on Sunday. But Monday will be serious( and easy because i'm at work all day :)!

So 11 weeks...1.45 lbs per week... obvs not going to work out like that but yeah...

Aims:

week 1: 3lbs
week 2:3lbs
week 3: 2 lbs
week 4: 2 lbs
Week 5: 2lbs
Week 6: 1lbs
Week 7: 1bls
Week 8:2lbs
 (lol if i did it like that it would be eight weeks) errmm yeh. Well it gives me a chance to mess up as per!

I have a diary now so I shouldn't :) Also I am not allowed to buy any clothes :( ,, basically I have no money :( ... My mum normally gives us money to get something to wear at christmas... :) Can get something small and not huge like my entire wardrobe!

eughhh my goals probe seem a bit adventurous,.. but as i've been this weight since god knows when now... it should be quick to start with... but eughh I'm dreading the plateau! :(

Night :)X

fnakjnfkdjfn

Life is Crap!

Same weight different day.

I really haven't shifted in months! I wana lose a stone! NOW! i have to do a half marathon on sunday so its carbs galore this week :(

Then its finally going to be extreme weightloss time!!!

afhkajdfnkjdnsclkxm

Is THIS what defines me?

Really? Do I really want this to define who I am, who I have been for the past 3 years of my life. 


I certainly do not want to leave it behind just yet. But who says I have a choice anyway? You know you really don't!


Seems strange that I want to mark it though. I've wanted this particular tattoo for the past two years. Was thinking of getting it for my 21st birthday next month. My boyfriend asked me if it actually meant something to me. I thought about it (of course I didn't tell him). And the only thing I can even in the slightest bit relate it to is my ED. I don't even know why. Could be that at the time for some bizarre reason, this thing made me happy. Like I had purpose. Purpose to get thin... that's about it. Was I happy really? Or was I just happy being in pain? Punishing myself for the things I had been doing over previous year. The stuff I probably shouldn't have done. Stuff I don't necessarily regret, but I suppose I just shouldn't have done. 


No one else would ever understand what it means to me. Well you guys might, if you're reading this, slightly. 


It's Sienna Millers tattoo of the Swallow on her wrist btw. I'm a copycat lol. It just appeals to me. Its pretty.


Bonne nuit mon amies.


xxx

Well.

So I haven't posted in a couple of weeks.

Well, felt like it many a time, but my laptops just been playing up.

Been getting my dissertation finished as well :) COMPLETE :) HAPPY :)

Had such a hard couple of weeks, bingeing non stop i swear! im 125.4 well i was this morning. I went up a bit more but lost some over the past couple of days.

I have no control. I'm a mess.

My boyfriends decided that i don't have a problem. Thats fine with me. Except if i don't want to eat... what is your effing problem telling me to eat! DIPSHIT!

Life's angering me.

Bleh

Argh

I don't get it, my bf he goes and gets himself a personal trainer... 3 weeks ago... he's been eating crap still, only exercising once a week and he loses a stone. SERIOUSLY!

i've been eating next to nothing and i've lost well... i did lose 5lbs but i've put 2 on... so woop deee dooo 3 measley little pounds! (I keep binginggg need to calm it down as from tomorrow although today i've done... okay) 

I'm happy for him i am, its a great achievement... it just makes me feel... hopeless.

As a reward though i'm buying him a new t-shirt :)

I need to set up my own rewards... hmm

I nearly purged today, got really angry about my disseration, I just sat there staring at the bathroom for a while, I restrained myself I hadn't even eaten anything, i was just panicked and angry. I hate me.

Anyway lets get back to rewards... seeing as i'm now 126lbs... again... i'll just do really small rewards

124lbs i get to do my own pedicure

122lbs bake some low fat macaroons

120lbs I'm allowed to buy a new top

118lbs Go swimming but just for the Jacuzzi and sauna :)

116lbs Buy the ice cream maker (for making frozen yogurt)

114lbs (i'll think of this later :))

112lbs New charm for my pandora bracelet

110lbs new bikini haha :)

ANywayy thats gona be expensiveee :) was looking at ice cream makers today, best cheap one i can find is a phillips one for £50 the other ones are all annoying looking and sounding :L 

and i'll shut up now :)

Night Stay Strong :) X